I find myself always in situations in which I would much rather not be in. The reason for this? I have a hard time saying no. Part of it is, I want to feel needed, so when someone asks me to do something, and I am able to get the job done, I will get the satisfaction that I was able to complete a task for someone.
When I finally start to feel used and I become tired of just going along with the norm, I then start to resent the people that I didn’t say no to. Learning to say “NO” has been hard for me to do. One reason is when if I say no, would people still like me? Of course, I know the answer to this. If they do not like me only because I do not do what they want, then they do not matter. There is a chance though, that the others would respect me more, because I am showing that I have a backbone. Knowing one thing though, is different from acting out.
At work fear may develop if one says no, and there would be a chance that the boss would not give you an opportunity to grow. I have tried to say no recently to something. I even had my game plan worked out. I gave excellent reasons to shy saying “no” was the best answer. It technically didn’t work, for i still ended up doing what I didn’t want to do, yet there was a compromise. I would only have to do the extra work for a certain time.
My first actual job, I said no to something, and I blew up and quit because the boss was not as cooperative, and lacked leadership skills. Since then though, I have been compensating, by just saying yes, and when I do not want to say yes, I will say no, and I would give reasons. All others have to say is “Come on,” and they would talk me into it.
Before I keep going I need to say this. My mom always felt that I was too much for a people’s pleaser and I was too gullible. She always worried that anyone would be able to talk me into doing something even when I knew it wasn’t right. Parts of her fear is true, but I have never taken drugs, and there have been many things that I never did, for the most part my morals were never compromised.
When it was something legal, and basically unethical, I am easily persuaded to do almost anything. My weak areas, Food, taking on extra jobs, and doing activities that I would not find exciting. My hardest area is food. Everyone I know is basically a foodie. We have food with every activity: party, wedding, birthday, death, everything. When people offer food, then you are supposed to try it and tell them how good it is. In this culture at least it seems that you have to accept seconds, or it may seem that you do not like the food. Well that is my problem because people know I can eat a lot, and I usually do. When I don’t eat they take it as me not being happy, or not liking their food. My reason of trying to lose weight, seems not to be acceptable.
with work, I feel that, what I do, can help make the job go smoother. What ends up happening is that no matter how much work i do, seems that more work appears, and I never get appreciated for it.
So saying no has to be an option. Saying no will give me the freedom to be happier and do things that will make me happy.
I do not say no, because I hate when others tell me “no.” i fear hearing “no” so much, until I don’t ask for things half the time, because I expect others would say no. Asking a girl out was something that i rarely did, only when I knew for sure that she would say yes, but why should I fear hearing no, and why do i fear saying no.
Saying no, frees you up to say yes to what you really want to do. Just like saying no is others prerogative, and when they say no, it isn’t like the no caused you physical pain and it shouldn’t cause you any mental pain either. Once you know the the answer, it frees you up to make steps in another direction, versus always contemplating what may be said.
While I am still learning how to say is, I understand its power and how it has to be used. Will I still end up doing things I do not want? yes, of course, that goes without he job, but will others at least know how I really feel. Al of this leads to honesty.