As soon as my baby was born, life came into perspective. Some things became fuzzy, while others became clear. I was ready to become a father. I was ready to turn 30. I was preparing myself to be the best father as I could be. Within a short time, I realized though, that while I will try to be the best daddy possible, I cannot forget to remain a husband. This post is just a reminder to not only do my best to be a great family man, but also to make sure that I keep my relationship with my wife strong as well as keep myself in check.
Throughout my short life, I have been able to observe examples of men going through a midlife crisis. Media, in all forms have displayed how men, at a certain point in time, when they start to reflect on their lives, go find a younger “hot” woman, buy a sports car, and just leaves their family. Usually in the movies and television shows, the women are left devastated. The men were not usually displayed as bad husbands, they just up and decided to leave.
My interpretation of this is that they went from focusing on the family to focusing on themselves. Of course it isn’t bad that the man starts to think about himself and his well being; it was the timing. Everyone should think about themselves at least a little. I will make sure that I do not forget about myself, while I am doing my best to be a great parent. The part that I want to write about the most though, Is to make sure you do not forget about your wife.
On my wife and I anniversary, I wrote her a letter, and in it I requested that we go on a date two weeks before or with in the four weeks of the birth of our son. I made this request in order for us to focus on our relationship. During this date, we would just go to a restaurant that is three houses down, maybe eat our food as fast as possible and get out within 30 min. The point of it though, would just to spend some time just with each other and focus on us. We would probably speak a lot of about baby J and probably think about him every minute, but we are devoting time to us, we would be establishing a routine to make sure that we keep us in focus as well as the family dynamics.
One of my favorite singers, is Bobby Rush, and he has a song called “Wearing it out.” like many blues songs it is in the sexual nature, but the lyrics of why it is important are about ensuring that the relationship stays strong. In one stanza, Bobby mentions a conversation he has had about women leaving their men. The men would state that they didn’t do anything wrong. He reiterated that it may not be what they did, but what they did not do. He also discusses about couples first start dating and they hold hands or cuddle while one is driving, but after years, they drive with both hands on the steering wheels and the passenger are sitting on the side.
The bottom line is that we have to ensure that while we are going through lives, that we do not lose focus on every relationship that we are apart of. The family, the relationship between partners, and then yourself. The family, if you are reading this blog, then that is one part that you will focus on, The relationship, is the step that is often over looked but hopefully you will start to take the time to review your personal relationship with your spouse. Sample questions that you can ask are: When was the last time you went out with your spouse? When and how long was your conversation with your wife that had nothing to do with the family and bills, but about each other. Evaluate and constantly try to find that perfect balance.